What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
