Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
