So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
