you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
