I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
