Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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