was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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