so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No subtext here. People are naked.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
