just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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