Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
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My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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