I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
