i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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