I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
