none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
