Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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