It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
