If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Someone signed my nipple.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
