I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
