So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
