good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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