just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
