with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
