i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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