I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
