Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
