He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
