Will you blow on my dice?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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