do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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