You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize