what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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