I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
