I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
