oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
