Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
