Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
