Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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