I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
