Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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