I think I can smell my own vagina right now
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
