Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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