): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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