Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
