Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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