So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
