Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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