Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
