Tell her she can't have a vagina
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
