She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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