well you can't waste a boner
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
