and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
