they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Found your dick twin last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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