dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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