Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
