hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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