"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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