Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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