CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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