im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
