Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
