My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
