He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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