Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
