I want to make a zoo with you.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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