I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
