I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
