May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
