i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
