his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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