I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
