I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You did what with his pubic hair?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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