i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Still dying that you shit outside
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
