I want to have your abortion
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
