She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
