the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
