Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
