I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
