Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
