It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
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it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize