i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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