It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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