Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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